http://www.fortunecity.com/rivendell/senti...mpire_humor.htm
http://www.kaila.pl/htmeng/rpg.htm
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/spfdsquare/humor.html
Top Ten Signs You Play Too Much ADnD
Someone says "Why do you have all those numbers tattooed on your hand?",
and you reply "Those aren't tattoos, they're die imprints."
Your elven fighter has had sex within the last six years - and you haven't.
You decide to play a zombie, just so you and your character can have the same skin color.
You've been surviving so long on Doritos, Coke, and pizza that your body
now contains more plastic than your dice.
You can recite, verbatim, every single rule from the DMG….but you can't remember
how many kids you have.
You sign personal correspondences with your character's name.
After months of work, you have made up the entire dwarven language - words,
rules of vocabulary, the whole lot. You are bilingual, and can now speak fluid dwarven.
Your friends stare at you strangely, and no one will sit on the same side of the table as you.
Drug addict and alcoholic friends of yours often stop you to say "Dude, get a grip".
Your "If I won the lottery" plans involve creating: (a) a really cool AD&D room,
or (
hiring actors to play monsters so that you and your friends can play AD&D for real.You'd rather get a natural 18 when rolling character statistics than win the lottery.
World of Darkness "No Trespassing" Signs
Assamite: Trespassers will be assassinated.
Assamite: Trespassers will be Diablerized.
Baali: Trespasser will be sacrificed.
Brujah: Trespasser will be beaten and shot.
Cappadocian: Trespasser will be killed... and studied.
Gangrel: Trespasser will be hunted like dogs.
Gangrel: Beware of the Dog.
Giovanni: Trespasser will be killed and enslaved.
Lasombra: Trespasser will be kept in the dark.
Malkavian: Trespasser will be invited in for tea and cakes.
Nagaraja: "Honest Officer we haven't had any problems wit<burp>h trespassers."
Nosferatu: Trespasser will be interrogated as to how the Hell they found this place.
Ravnos: Trespasser will be stolen.
Setites: Trespasser will be corrupted.
Toreador: Trespasser will be forced to admire our art.
Tremere: Trespasser will be cursed.
Tzimisce: Trespasser will be changed.
Tzimisce: Trespassers will be tied into knots and put on display.
Ventrue: Trespasser will be sued.
Ventrue: Trespassers will be blood bound.
Salubri: Trespasser will be treated nicely. (this one scares me the most)
Werewolf Signs
Glasswalker: Beware of the Dog with a Minigun.
Red Talon: Trespasser will be eaten.
Stargazers: You're not really trespassing, you know...'cause we're all part of the same Univers.....same material, so if we could like just be nice to each other...and not get really heavy and uncool with each other...you know, about "private property" and that sort of material stuff...the world would be a better place....Right!
Mage Signs
Cult of Ecstasy: Trespassers must BYO
Technocracy: Trespasser will be deleted for security reasons.
Verbena: "Witch parking only. All others will be toad."
Hunter Signs
Avengers: Trespassers will be cleaved.
Innocents: Trespassers will be hugged.
Visionaries: Trespassers will be studied.
Changeling Signs
Pooka: Trespassers must have a good sense of humor.
Redcaps: Trespassers will be scared... and maybe eaten.
Satyr: Trespassers must bring sexy underwear.
Sluagh: Trespassers will be debated over tea.
Troll: Trespassers will be waded up like play dough.
Vampire Bumper Stickers of the Kindred
The Draconian Garden Gnome (marck@cae.ca)
May 24, 2000 (12:44)
Assamite: This car climbed up to Alamut
Brujah: Don’t like my driving? Call 1-800-UP YOURS.
Follower of Set: No I don’t have a tire leak. That hissing noise is normal.
Gangrel: Will brake for road kill.
Giovanni: If you can read this, I OWN YOUR SOUL!
Lasombra: WARNING: Driver will not appear in your rear view mirror.
Malkavian: This vehicle will make wild turns and other sudden erratic movements
Nosferatu: Don’t laugh at me, your daughter is in the trunk.
Ravnos: Car is not stolen, just borrowed.
Toreador: Jesus already died for our sins. I’m just getting my money’s worth.
Tremere: Sorry so slow, ritual in progress.
Tzimisce: Never drink and drive, you might spill blood on the upholstery.
Ventrue: NO! I DON’T HAVE ANY GREY POUPON!
-- Marc, the Draconian Garden Gnome
Kindred-garten Report Card
Assamite - does not play well with others.
Baali - rarely seen, but has a bad attitude towards teachers and students alike.
Brujah - plays very well with others... others' toys, others' money, others' friends, others... still have to figure out how he got that gun.
Caitiff - recently added to the class. The others have not yet gotten a chance to know him (and they act like they don't want to).
Daughter of Cacophany - song time A+ excemplary student. Prone to wild screaming tantrums.
Gangrel - always playing outdoors. In fact, it's darn hard to get him back inside after playtime.
Giovanni - keeps asking "when do we get to dissect frogs?" I've tried to explain that she has to finish 8 more years before that and she just sulked.
Lasombra - strangest kid I've ever seen.... he's already got a five o'clock shadow... was not here on school photo day despite protestations otherwise.
Malkav - nice quiet child and yet all the other children don't seem to like him. They think he's plotting against them all. I'd be prone not to believe it but I've seen some of the notes he's been passing... in sumerian.
Nosferatu - strange child that has unfortunate disability, yet always ready to help the teacher with information on who's been doing what.
Ravnos - I'm not sure of this one..... keeps being in two places at once and never seems to run out of lunch money, especially when the others have had theirs go missing.
Toreador - top of the class in finger painting. (best you can say about him really.)
Tzimisce - has since developed an attitude problem and started picking on the others and hanging out with young lasombra.
Tremere - caring thoughtful child... always the first one there to help when one of the others is injured in any way.
Salubri - one of the first children tremere helped.... actually, I haven't seen her lately.
Setite - the lisp is a bit disconcerting, as well as the eyes, and seems more interested in distracting the others with his "goodiesssssss" then doing any actual work.
Samedi - truly revolting child. If he doesn't stop blowing milk bubbles out of his nose.....
Ventrue - model student. Always a pleasure to have in the class room and well spoken and then forget you were told to write this.