Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Who am I in the dark?
Looking for Group » Forums > LFG Main Forums > Writer's corner
Sal
First off I'd like to say, that this dream scared the shit out of me last night...so much so I wrote it down to get it out of my head. I changed a few things, but in the actual dream, my mother and father were the king and queen, while my brother was the prince. Also in my dream, my father was the one who almost killed me...but I couldn't really make that make sense in the story with what else was going on. I'd also like to thank King Raven for his nightmare inducing short story...or at least I think it was that that did it...oh well. Thanks anyway. And now...enjoy. Oh wait! I'd also like to point out that this is like the first time I've ever told a story in first person...tell me if you like it or not.

Who am I in the Dark?


A cold wind howled through the trees and I wrapped my dark cloak closer around me. It was too cold for autumn and one could hardly believe that it was barely October. I kept my mind distracted as I advanced upon my destination, but not distracted enough that I didn’t hear the blundering footsteps of the castle guards in the forest. It was easy enough to avoid them, and soon enough the castle was in my sights. I pulled out a map from the pockets of my dark blue robe, and quickly ascertained where I would enter the woodland fortress.

Moving with speed and grace, I quickly found myself near an old run down wall, that’s time of a part of the castle had long since past, in some war long forgotten, for another one had been built in its place. I hide behind a piece of the rubble from the guards on the wall high above until they passed, before beginning my work. There was supposed to be a secret passage here! I searched and searched, for anything that might have been hidden in the wreckage, but found nothing. Silently I cursed myself. If I did not come back to my people with the boy in hand, the war would rage on.

For twelve years, my kingdom and this kingdom had been at war, and thousands had died. Among them had been my parents. I was fifteen when I had been orphaned in the first year of the war, and it was then that I decided that the magic I had been gifted with, would no longer become a simple plaything. I trained long and hard, until finally I was noticed by the military. I was in the King’s Army for three years before I was given a task worthy of note. My task is to kidnap the young prince of this kingdom. I cannot come back a failure.

But I sat down upon an old brick in despair. I did not know where this secret passage was and any other way would be suicide. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. Part of the old wall was still intact and from my position I swore that I saw the faint outline of a door. I gasped as I stood, and lay a tentative hand on it. To my surprise the stone swung open without a noise. A staircase lead down into the bowels of the castle, and I followed it down, a small magical flame illuminating the way.

The staircase ended with a door, and I pushed it open, and discovered myself in an old wine cellar. Another staircase had me on the first floor of the castle. The prince would be sleeping on the fourth floor on the third room on the right. His room would be decorated with various knickknacks and shelves filled with books of all kinds. He would be asleep by now after having taken his medicine.

Suddenly, I was snapped out of my thoughts as I rounded a corner and almost ran into one of the servants. Frightened, I recited a quick spell and a faint red light illuminated the hallway as the old man fell over dead without so much as a gasp. I panicked and fled the scene as quickly as possible. I hadn’t been revealed though. I was safe for the moment. Now I was more aware though, and I ducked out of the way of passing guards and servants.

Finally I was near the room where the boy would be sleeping. My slender hands trembled as I reached for the knob and padded into the room silently. I felt uneasy in this room, but I pushed it down as I walked to the boy’s bedside. His face. His face! I took a hurried step back in horror, though I didn’t know why, and knocked something off the nightstand. The teenage boy awoke, and looked at me with a puzzled, yet… joyful face! Murmuring the words of the spell, I pointed at the boy and his eyes flittered and he was soon back to sleep. Someone was outside. They must’ve heard the noise!

Quickly I threw the sleeping figure of the boy over my shoulder. He wouldn’t be asleep for long, and I would have to hurry and dispose of the figure outside and then leave. I opened the door, and muttered the same words as I did to kill the old servant. This was no servant though, but a fellow mage, one much older than me and more powerful. Startled the spell threw him back, but he no doubt had magical protection that allowed him to survive. I ran.

I couldn’t do anything else, for already he was coming around. He shouted something over and over. “ Alfred? Alfred?!” I assumed he was shouting the boys name and continued running with him over my shoulder. Already I heard the sound of armored men pursuing men. I had to escape. They’d torture me for years on end. They’d use me against my friends and family!

“ Quick,” shouted the old mage behind me. “ Block off the cellars! Don’t let him get away!”

I ran harder. My heart pounded against my chest as if it was trying to escape from its confines of flesh and burst out into the air. I almost tripped down a flight of stairs and only a miracle prevented me from falling and breaking my neck. I was so close! So close! Three guards stepped from the hallway and into my path. Fear pumped through my veins as more came out into the open and I didn’t notice the uncertainty on their faces. In a panic I ran down into another hallway and into a large open room, feeling the boy stirring.

Five thrones sat on a raised pedestal and behind them was a family portrait. I flinched back, looking at one face in particular and dropped the boy onto the ground, causing him to awaken quite suddenly. I brought a trembling hand up to my face and took another step back, and as I did so, the entrances were filled up with the castle guards. Four figures pushed themselves to the front. One was the mage from before. Another was an older man, his hair a salt and pepper color, but despite his apparent age, he radiated power and was unmistakable from the king in the portrait. Standing beside him in a nightdress was the queen; her green eyes shimmering with tears, just like the girl who was no older than seven standing beside her. I took another step back and away, becoming dimly aware of the crossbows the guards were holding aimed at me.

“ Alfred…” called the mage as he walked forward. “ What are you doing?”

I looked around shocked and wondering whom this ‘Alfred’ was. “ Who are you talking to old man,” I spat at him.

“ I’m talking to you child…you’ve been gone for so long,” he said with great sorrow in his voice. The boy sat on the floor where he had been dropped and looked at me strangely.

“ I-I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not Alfred!” I screamed, but memories flashed up in my mind, things I shouldn’t remember. I staggered back under their assault, pain and confusion welling up inside of me. Shuddering, I struggled to regain my breath and noted the look of pity on the royal family’s faces. “ I’m-…I’m Mitchell Coppersmith. My parents died when I was fifteen and I’ve trained ever moment since then to avenge them and end this pointless war!”

I realized that I was shouting and that I was beginning to sob. ‘ Who am I?’ was the only thing I could think. Two lives ran through my head. In one I was Mitchell Coppersmith, a vengeful young man who wanted too see everyone in this room dead, and the other I was a stranger, a young prince who would soon be heir to the throne, would soon be married to a beautiful princess. Sobs wracked my throat. “ Who am I?”

The king moved forward slowly to speak, meanwhile the young boy moved forward on his hands and knees in an attempt to escape to the safety of his family. “ You are my son… Alfred. We lost you…six months ago. You road out to battle and you did not return…we feared the worst, but here you are alive. We can help you Alfred…”

“ No! You’re lying! Stop messing with my head! I’m not Alfred! I’m not!” I shouted, my voice growing hoarse. It was then that I noticed the boy’s attempt to escape f and I made a sudden move that brought me to his side. I lift him off the ground by the scruff of his neck before pinning him against me in chokehold. “ I’ll kill him! I’ll do it! Stop messing with my head damn you!”

The woman burst into full-blown tears at this point and I heard the guards shuffle, unsure what to do. The old mage looked at me with a sad look in his eyes. They didn’t take me seriously! I tightened my hold around the boy’s neck cutting off his air supply for a moment. “ Please…Please! Alfred let me go. Don’t hurt me,” he choked as tears streamed down his face, and for a moment I felt horrible for what I was doing.

“ We can help you child…you’re lost and confused,” pleaded the old mage imploringly.

“ No! Stop it! Stop it please,” I cried out as another wave of memories assaulted me. I’d kill the boy! Even if I died I’d make them pay for this! I began to murmur the spell that I had used so often this night, when something slammed into my back, followed by four more. Agony flashed throughout my body and my breath caught in my throat.

The next thing I knew I was on the ground, blood trickling from my mouth and from my wounds. Pain overwhelmed my senses, but the ground was cold against my cheek, providing some measure of comfort against the searing agony. I saw black on the edge of my vision, which was of only of the people around me’s feet. I am going to die here, I thought, but the thought did not disturb me as much as I would have thought it would days before. I wish that I had died that night…I wish that we had died.

Unfortunately for us, a healer had arrived at the last moment and helped us live through the night. The next day, I awoke to complete darkness. I awoke as Mitchell Coppersmith. Suddenly a light flared up in my cell, where I was bound and chained. The old mage walked in and said he would help me remember who I was. We’ve come to dread his visits that only leave pain as he forces memories upon me.

I’m so lost and confused. I don’t know how long I’ve been here or when I’ll get out. I don’t know who I am and I’m in the dark, but I’m not alone. Alfred or Mitchell or both? Or neither. Who I am in the dark? Please Lord help us…he comes again! If only we were stronger, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of our screams.
king raven
It's pretty good Sal, I like it.

I like the dedication too lol

Glad I could be of service.
Rayne
O_________________O

I. Hm.

I can see why that would scare the hell out of you. Freaking creepy.

I liked it, though, creepy though it wound up being. I could almost see it as being some central plot to an epic tale, or something. Not kidding here, totally serious.

tongue.gif

Also:
QUOTE (Sal @ Oct 24 2009, 09:38 PM) *
and I followed it down, a small magical flame illuminating the way.
You know why this made me chuckle. You knooooow.
Sal
QUOTE (Rayne @ Oct 24 2009, 10:39 PM) *
O_________________O

I. Hm.

I can see why that would scare the hell out of you. Freaking creepy.

I liked it, though, creepy though it wound up being. I could almost see it as being some central plot to an epic tale, or something. Not kidding here, totally serious.

tongue.gif

Also:
You know why this made me chuckle. You knooooow.


It didn't help that when I woke up I wasn't actually in my room. Me and my brother fell asleep on the floor by the TV...and my room is usually the brightest, while the living room is really...really dark.

And me too. And I'm really getting into it.

And haha...what can I say...I love fire. laugh.gif
Sal
Okay...double post, because I was smacked in the face by Inspiration to continue this. This next part might get really really confusing. Its supposed to be like that, so don't say it was confusing...I know. And...I think I might be a sadistic bastard...

***

Part Two


The dark cell’s door opened wide, and the old mage walked in, a magical orb of light following him, and tearing me from the comforting darkness. I lifted up my head, which was bruised and slightly bloodied from our previous sessions. Mitchell hurt me. I wanted to get better. I wanted him to die, but he wouldn’t give up…and so he hurt me.

In his hands, the mage held a tray of food. It was a simple meal, only a small amount of dried pork and a piece of bread. I eyed the glass of water on the tray warily. He was trying to poison me again. Make it easier to push me out and push Alfred in…but I was so thirsty. My mouth was parched and dry, and my tongue felt like cotton. I rattled the chains that held me as I attempted to turn around and ignore him.

“ Alfred…please turn around. I brought you some food,” he said in a too gentle voice. I cringed as he walked closer, trying to make myself as small as possible. “ Come come now Alfred….I know you’re hungry. You’ve refused to eat for three days. Just take a bite.”

Never in my life had I felt such revulsion for one person, and if my magic had not been being blocked, I would have attempted to kill him. Instead I had to rely on brute force and tried to lunge at the man. He took a hurried step back, and I stood there, my chains held taunt.

I couldn’t believe what I had tried to do. This man had been my mentor, my friend my whole life, and yet I wanted to kill him. I fell to my knees and sobbed at his feet as best as I could. “ Help me…please,” I choked out. “ Where’s mother and father? I don’t want to be alone with him!!”

Sighing the mage put the tray down next to me, and sat down near my quivering form. “ Drink this…it will help,” he said offering the cup.

He pushed against my thoughts. He didn’t want to die! Not like this. Forever gone, not even a memory. My hand pulled away from the cup, before I pushed him back with all my might, sending him screaming in agony. I sipped on the water carefully, feeling a little sick as I drank. I screamed in pain as I dropped the cup and collapsed onto the cool ground.

There was a young man on a horse, riding through the countryside that lay beyond the trees. He came upon a village, and all the commoners came out to watch. The women giggled as he passed, but even if they were beautiful he hardly gave them a passing glance. There was someone waiting for him beyond these hills. A princess, with flowing dark brown hair, and deep rich eyes to match…

The young man sat in the stands with his family, watching a jousting match. He had never been very interested in these things, so he entertained his younger siblings with small tidbits of magic…until the old mage looked at him disapprovingly.

The assault of images continued, and I found it harder and harder to recall who I actually was. “ Stop…” I whimpered. I barely had any strength left. I pleaded and begged for him to stop the torture and to just kill me…end the pain. I do not know how long it continued, but at the end I no longer had the strength or water for tears, and my body was wracked with silent sobs.

Finally he stood, though I barely noticed. I don’t know my name…I think its Alfred…but NO! NO! “I’m not Alfred…I’m Mitchell…Co…Coppensinsth…and my parents….are alive since I was fifteen. Vengeance on…” I whimpered before crying on in despair. “ Stop it…please. Please. Please kill me…I don’t wanna…please please PLEASE!!”

I did not see his stare of pity before he walked away, but I did hear what he said over my frantic sobs and the rattling of my chains as I shook. “ I’m trying Mitchell….”
Dreamweaver
Wow, very nice done. Could really get into the character as i read it. smile.gif

I like how the second part ends with there can be written two endings; One where the old mage is trying to kill the alter ego and one where he is trying to slowly poison the boy ending his suffering.



Hope you don't mind me saying that i noticed a couple minor typos in the first part wink.gif


QUOTE
I couldn₄t do anything else, for already he was coming around. He shouted something over and over. ₓ Alfred? Alfred?!₝ I assumed he was shouting the boys name and continued running with him over my shoulder. Already I heard the sound of armored men pursuing men. I had to escape. They₄d torture me for years on end. They₄d use me against my friends and family!


QUOTE
ₓ I-I₦I don₄t know what you₄re talking about. I₄m not Alfred!₝ I screamed, but memories flashed up in my mind, things I shouldn₄t remember. I staggered back under their assault, pain and confusion welling up inside of me. Shuddering, I struggled to regain my breath and noted the look of pity on the royal family₄s faces. ₓ I₄m-₦I₄m Mitchell Coppersmith. My parents died when I was fifteen and I₄ve trained ever(y) moment since then to avenge them and end this pointless war!₝


QUOTE
ₓ No! You₄re lying! Stop messing with my head! I₄m not Alfred! I₄m not!₝ I shouted, my voice growing hoarse. It was then that I noticed the boy₄s attempt to escape f and I made a sudden move that brought me to his side. I lift(ed) him off the ground by the scruff of his neck before pinning him against me in chokehold. ₓ I₄ll kill him! I₄ll do it! Stop messing with my head damn you!₝


QUOTE (Rayne @ Oct 25 2009, 06:39 AM) *
Also:
You know why this made me chuckle. You knooooow.

QUOTE (Sal @ Oct 25 2009, 06:47 AM) *
And haha...what can I say...I love fire. laugh.gif


Could...not...resist. dry.gif

edit: Wth? O_o; ..why did there suddenly come extra letters into the quotes when i pushed edit button?
ryannayr417
It is indeed quite interesting, I only wish I could understand the world that was crafted a bit better. Then again it was a dream so I can't exactly expect there to be a big book o' explanations.
Sal
QUOTE (Dreamweaver @ Oct 25 2009, 12:25 PM) *
Wow, very nice done. Could really get into the character as i read it. smile.gif

I like how the second part ends with there can be written two endings; One where the old mage is trying to kill the alter ego and one where he is trying to slowly poison the boy ending his suffering.

Hope you don't mind me saying that i noticed a couple minor typos in the first part wink.gif

Could...not...resist. dry.gif

edit: Wth? O_o; ..why did they suddenly come extra letters into the quotes when i pushed edit button?


Thank you. And well the second part, I'm really just going for kill off the alter ego. You see, even though I'm trying to be confusing, I've already decided that the main character was brain washed (pretty much exactly like his is now) by the enemy into thinking he was one of them. The mage wants to kill the alter ego, so they can have their prince back, but unfortunately its easier said than done. The drink was poison as was said, but not really anything that would kill him, just make him weak enough to where it would be easier to break him down. Obviously the mage is in great conflict, because this is someone that he watched grow up...but he has to do this to help him. Its really sad.

And thanks. I'll edit those in the word doc...but as you discovered...for some reason when you edit things that were posted from Word...those weird symbols pop up.

And. You. Suck. Dream.

EDIT: Honestly...Ryan, I'm thinking about playing with this more. Like going away from this single character and developing the whole war thing...but for now, I'm just having fun....but its in my head.
Dreamweaver
*nodnod* Just liked how it had the possibility of two endings, but yeah i figured it was some sort of brain wash he had been put into. wink.gif

Ah...didn't knew that. Wonder why it does that...dry.gif

Lawl, i luv ya too :3 tongue.gif
Rayne
QUOTE (Dreamweaver @ Oct 25 2009, 12:25 PM) *
Could...not...resist. dry.gif
QUOTE (Sal @ Oct 25 2009, 12:35 PM) *
And. You. Suck. Dream.

Oh god, what the hell did I start... =/

Anyway. On to the actual story. Continuation. Thing.

Once again, you did a really great job with it. It really has that creepy feel, but in a subtle sort of way. Like, you have you "oh god that's creepy /squick" and you have your "HOLY CRAP /squick" and a couple others. But you also have that sort of thing that you don't really NOTICE is as creepy as it is. You're aware that yes, it's rather creepy, but it's not until you actually THINK ABOUT IT that you realize the extent of this.

And yet at the same time, you still kept that sort of Epic style. I capitalize epic because I'm using the literary term, though it is indeed 1337 sp33k epic as well...

It's an interesting mix. I'd love to see more on the world, too, if you ever do delve into it.

^^

And now, I must leave you for a little while, and when I come back I'll read Ryan's latest...
azeala
OWWWWWW!!!!!! MY BRAIN!
If my head explodes im going to sue you!!!
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2010 Invision Power Services, Inc.