Well, it looks as if my marriage is coming to an end. And its not even because of me. I have been married for just over 4 years, and was with her for 3 years before we got married. Then I find out that she cheated on me. Still, I wanted to try to give the marriage a chance, and now, 5 months later, she wants to leave because she thinks "I deserve better." Now before you guys all come in here and make comments like "Leave the b@$ch" and so on and so forth, let me explain myself. I love her, very very deeply. When I found out I was crushed, but still, just couldn't come to terms with leaving, so I just wanted to see if things were going to work out. Obviously things aren't, though at no fault of my own. I have been trying my hardest to salvage the marriage.

So, here I stand (well sit actually) resigned to the fact that I am going to lose a wife, seeking the comfort of anyone out there willing to give it. I am quite broken up, because the times where good when they were there. Losing something this important to me is tearing me apart, but I must go on.

To all of you out there who are in pain and hurting, I want to say: Keep your chin up, there is always hope for a better future, it's not your fault, never give up, and love freely even if it means you may get hurt, because it is better to love and be hurt to never have loved at all.

Thanks for listening...

Dam that sucks man...
You'll move on though, make sure not to forget your own advice and follow it. It doesn't sound like she wants to be with you anymore though, if she did and you where really in love and willing to forgive maybe you two could still work it out. Although it wont be easy... relationships never are. It seems like maybe theirs guilt on her part that could prevent the relationship from being repaired.

Sigh.
Times like these it makes me wonder why not redefine a relationship.
Well Anyway i know my words here didn't really help but its just cause I'm not very good at this.
Dont worry about it though, You'll be alright, your not the first or last guy this has ever happened to, just get back to the things you liked before you met her?

Well, I am not wallowing in self pity or letting this tear me down. No matter who you are, unless your marriage was a total sham, is going to have a hard time getting a divorce. But, she cheated about 5 months ago, which has given me plenty of time to consider that we might get separated. So as much as it hurts, I have prepared myself as much as I can for when it actually happens.

So I am actually doing pretty well all things considered. I still go to work (I have 2 jobs) every day, I dont sit around crying all the time etc. I know that life goes on, and I will get over it, and probably even find someone to fall in love with again. LOL I dont give any advice that I myself dont follow. I know that this story is an old one, and nothing new, and to every person it happens to I feel for you, I know what your going through, and life and love are still worth it.

It sounds like your going to be okay

You'll survive. I promise. When you look back on it, you'll realize that had you stayed, you would have just been more miserable than you are now. Sometimes its best that we leave situations like that-- lest we find ourselves repeating the same mistakes over and over. If she cheated on you, she obviously doesn't share the love you have for her. Why waste your time proving to someone you love them, when they can't be decent enough to show it in return. I had the same issues with my ex when we divorced. I was married for three years (married young, of course) until one day I decided I wasn't going to take his crap anymore. He would ignore me, hit me, push me down, and treat me like garbage. Did I love him? Yeah, of course. I had two kids with the no-good punkass. I left him when I was six months pregnant with our second child because I couldn't stand the thought of having my kids witness the lack of love in our relationship.

Now, a good two years later, I'm a happy and successful single mother of two beautiful, smart, loving boys. I still have to deal with the ex in the regards of my children, but you know something... I'm glad I left. Sure, he comes around and still thinks that we can get back together and work out our issues (he's been taking anger management courses), but I don't think so. I look back on everything I had to go through with him and realize leaving him was soooooo much better.

My best guess based on what you said is that either she's trying to leave you in as nice a way as she can figure, or she just has shoddy self esteem. I went back and forth a bit about whether to say that or not, since it's not what you're after and is likely of no use, but... well, I have trouble not saying mentioning such things. I know, as much as I adore the man I'm with, it hasn't even been a full year since I managed to convince myself that I wouldn't just up and leave him, and I still occasionally worry about the possibility of me cheating on him. Heh, I know he deserves better than me (at least as I am now, I'm still working on improving), mostly for other reasons, but I've come to understand how much he loves me anyway. I also recall that my parents attempted to get divorced a few years ago... they didn't though, mostly because my dad had an absolutely horrible lawyer. But they're still together, and happier than ever (largely because of the church they go to, actually). I'm not telling you to try to hang onto your wife or anything, just sorta saying... As I said in the first place, her claims of not being good enough may just be her trying to get away without you thinking you're to blame, as I imagine you indeed aren't.

In any case, however the whole thing goes, I wish you both the best of luck in life and love. You sound like the sort who'll be fine (though, if something should suddenly hit you at some point, I'd suggest finding a good place to cry). And feel free to ignore the rest of my blathering up there. ^^;

Sexy time?

I'm not exactly sure what your getting at with the "Sexy time?" comment, but if I am getting that right, you think I should just go out and have sex. I have been thinking long and hard about that topic. Growing up, I believed that sex was only meant for 1 person in your life, the person you share your whole life with. It was a precious gift, almost a magical thing between 2 people, and only 2 people. But now, when she did this to me, it kinda shattered my view of it. Not just that, but I have been with her since I was 14 years old, and I am probably one of the most intensely loyal people you will find out there, so now it's like I can have sex with other people!?

The biggest problem is, I don't like the idea of casual sex, mind you, I didn't when I was getting REGULAR sex with my ex-wife. I still don't know if I LIKE the idea of casual sex, the carelessly giving away of something special.... then again, until I FIND someone special, I think I should take whatever opportunity comes along, and then make it special again when I find that special person.

I am just having a war with myself about "should I, shouldn't I?". At this point I don't even know if I COULD have sex with someone else. The being so loyal for so long makes me almost feel like I would be doing something wrong, even though I KNOW that I am divorced now. It's weird. I'm not the kind of guy to go out and try to sleep with as many women as possible just because of what happened to me, but BEING a guy I still really want it lol.

Wouldn't mind some peoples input on this subject, as it has been something I have been struggling with for a long time.

Let me put it this way...sex is something special when you find someone who makes it special. It's possible to have sex as just sex, but it becomes more when you bring feelings into the mix. It's really all in your perception of the subject. I'm not saying have sex with anything female that moves, but don't hold out on everyone either. You can be careful about who you choose to have sex with and then when you find a new someone who's even more special than your ex-wife, it'll make things that much better.

Sayuri's Seven Cents:

Sex is sex. People like to romanticize it, but in the end, the stick-end goes into the cavern and both parties should come out happy. The point behind it is to do it with someone you respect / love enough to share your naked form with. We're taught that being nude is an intimate thing (unless you live in a nudist colony, then its a public thing), so when we share something that makes us feel good-- we assume that it should be with someone we share something with.

Don't overthink sex.

The real thing is that your pride was bruised because of that widely romanticized ideology. The best thing is to see it from a logical standpoint and realize that sex will always be sex. What you were looking for was the afterglow-feelings after to be reserved for you and only you. That's just plain greed, even if you don't like hearing it.

Now that I've cleared the air, here's the point:

Find someone who shares this ideology with you. Not someone who will trample all over them and try to justify those actions with: "You just weren't there for me." I have yet to understand how that is a viable excuse, but is seems to be the most common. Removing sex from the equation, the person should love you for who you are. If they can live without intimacy and can continue to enjoy you for who you are-- then it is a healthy relationship. If it was just about the free sex, then you have a problem.

Love and sex go together for a lot of people, but my view is that they are vastly different. Sex will always be the same but love evolves. Love can wax and wane like the moon. The best thing you can do is see if the moon is rising or setting on your love. After you've figured that out-- go and have sex with the one that gives you those tingly, special feelings.

Lulz. Dramallama.

Can spam?

Seriously, guys. If you're not going to take this seriously, Just don't post. This isn't the kind of attitude we encourage here.

Next time I see posts like yours around, I'll not be so kind. Trust me.

G!

Thank you Ghislord, I really don't like it when people make fun of my situation, and things like that really tick me off. I have been having a hard enough time dealing with this I don't need people making fun of me.

You should be prepared to be mocked a bit. A lot of times it will come from people who are ignorant to the situation, but making light may prove to be a good thing. If you can laugh it off, you will be okay.

Start laughing.

That was my intent.

Sorry Romain, it was not to you that I was making that comment but to the idiot who posted the spam.

Though I am young (too young in comparison to most), I am here to say that thanks to your sad story and sharing it with us, it has made me want to hold on to the person I cherish the most. Odd how your sadness gives strength to those who need it. Your sadness, though depressing me, makes my resolve stronger. I don't want to let go of my fiancee, and I'm scared this may happen... and this fear actually made me open up to her. But, I'm cynical (a bad trait...) and I can't help but feel disheartened at the thought. So, because of this thread, I am going to go through every length as to not lose her. I will not, not ever. I am going to prove everyone wrong and I'm going to prove to be the exception, regardless to what anyone says. I know they care and I love them all for that, but I'm not going to let the reality they speak mess with my dream. Sometimes, dreams are stronger than reality. Dreams give hope, reality takes it. Vice-versa.

I know I'm not speaking sense, and I apologize... I tend to jump head-first into things...

Erm...

As for you, my friend, I pray everything gets better. Or more better than it is now. You should manage to try and relax. Enjoy a bachelor's life for a while and then, when you feel ready, get back on the horse and search for someone new. I hope that doesn't sound mean... I meant it as a friendly advice, a gesture of friendship or whatnot.

I'm quite glad a lot of people here can speak more sense than I... I'm not much of an expert on relationships and such, so I'm just trying my best.

Good luck, Manetheren.

I just finished moving into my sister's basement this afternoon. My ex and I had been together 3-1/2 years, nearly two years living together. Sadly, but a good thing for both of us, we recognized that we just aren't good for each other and need to not be together. Too bad the love feelings aren't so easy to cure as the living situation, but as I've had a previous bad relationship I know things will get better. I wish I could make it easier for him as he doesn't have the experience of healing after a fall.

You have my full support.

Man, all I can say is wow. Sessamaru, you have really made my day. That is exactly what I wanted my story to do, is to give others the fortitude to try as hard as they can to hold on to what they love, not to just throw it away when things get tough. You think that I have given you hope, but in reality, it is YOU have have given me hope. Hope in knowing that there are people out there who will do anything for love. Thank you for sharing your story with me, for I share in your feelings. I know what you are going through right now, and all I can say to you is believe, never give up hope, always try your hardest, and always be truthful to your own heart.

pandapanda2012, thank you for that. I know that things will get better for me. I am actually moving back home with my parents at the end of this month to help gather myself and think my life over. I am already feeling very good about life right now, even though there is still the pain of what happened, it is no longer a twisting thing but a friend who teaches me more about myself and steadies me for the future.

Ha, it's not actually funny, but my older brother just had his girlfriend of 3 years leave him not too long ago, so once I move back in with my parents, he and I are going to look for a place together and do the room mate thing for a while and help each other get through this hard time.

Me I am just trying to look at the positive things in all this. I came into this marriage with 1 box of cloths pretty much. Now I am walking out with a whole bunch of stuff (t.v., stereo, dvd player, guitar, etc) and close to $15,000. Now that stuff doesn't lessen the pain at all, after all, its only stuff, but it does restore my sense of justice a bit lol.

You are quite welcome, Manetheren, I am glad that I somehow made you feel better today... and thank you for letting me know that it made your day. I am glad I could help a nice guy like you. Normally, most would just think I am crazy or stupid, acting as if I don't know anything... bleh, wisdom comes with life, not age. Ah well... but I am more happy and thankful that your story has given me hope... and hopefully anyone else who feels down and miserable with their love-life because of a fear or because it had happen. I'm glad and thankful that there are people like you willing to give hope to those who need it, no matter how stubborn they are. No matter how stubborn... Ah well... I am glad that we could both help each other in our time of need. I thank you, just as how you thank me. I pray someone new comes in your life and tends to the wound... even if you think it is not there, that wound will always be there. You deserve another chance, mate. You're too nice of a guy to be left alone. Remember that.

Its been a while since I have last looked in here, but I just thought that I would give an update on my life. I have now bought my own house (nothing special, a little fixer upper) and a car (again nothing special, but its a nice little car). I am back to one of my old jobs which I loved, and am back close to my family who is an awesome support group for me. My brother and his gf are living with me in my house and helping me with expenses. I am still single, but really enjoying it for once in my life.

Came to realize that I dont need a woman in my life to feel complete. Came to realize a lot of good life lessons. I have come out of this mess a heck of a lot wiser and weirdly enough a lot more positive. To have known love was an amazing thing, now i'm just patiently waiting for the next girl to come along. In fact, going to ask a girl on a date this week...

Well good for you. Personally, i found that getting back out there is very satisfying and it will be good for you to have some fun. Live life a little you know. And congratz on the home and car, thats a real accomplishment given todays market and economy.

Good to hear you're doing well.

Reminds me of the "How to breakup with your girlfriend in 64 easy steps" video from Tales of Mere Existence. More specifically the very end where the final step is: As soon as you are completely happy with yourself being alone, get a new girlfriend and start again from step 1.

Looks like you're ready, man.

I don't want to sound cynical and come off as "you're better without her", but...

To me, sex is just... Well... Exactly that. Sex. A violent and brutal act of reproduction between two human beings. The heart races, the mind goes into overdrive with endorphins and chemicals, muscles spasm and if it hadn't been made so damn fun, the human race would have died out long ago. That aside, people associate sex with intimacy because it's generally how human beings express passion and desire for one another. Not counting the skirt-chasers/bar-whores who treat sex like an award or achievement. People romantiscize(sp?) sex because it is something that, before the invention of birth control, it was something that was done to create something that is of your flesh and blood, that you raise and teach. And for the most part, my belief is that it should be something that you only share with someone very special to you. Especially with marriage. I'm sorry your ex-wife didn't value the sanctity of your marriage, and while it was (in truth) something used to bind families or trade agreements (ie: my daughter marries your son, we're now allies, etc etc). In contemporary society, for the most part, I believe it's something that should be sacred and special. It's a legal binding that is essentially a life promise that you love the person you are marrying, and will never leave their side no matter the circumstances, "'til death do us part".

I'm sorry your ex-wife didn't take that as seriously as you did and didn't believe in the life changing pact that the two of you made on the altar. For the same reason I don't trust junkies (drug users), they have proven they can't be 100% no matter the circumstances, you can never trust them ever again. She has proven she is willing to go behind your back, sleep with someone, and even if she admitted it, she has proven she can't control herself to say "No, I'm spoken for". As cliche as it sounds, there are plenty of fish in the sea (Please don't take that literally, I don't want guilt-by-association beastiality charges on me ).

Obviously you saw something in her that made you fall in love with her, so you've got a swing-and-a-miss, as silly as that sounds. She was what you wanted in a companion, so I advise that you try and find someone like that, but someone who sees the same thing in you. It's hard to come by, but like anything else it's trial and error. Trial and error, just keep trying until you find someone for you.

I really am sorry for your experience, it's never easy I know that much. I've never personally been married, but I know what it's like to have your heart stomped on by the person you love most. But really, by the sounds of things, the healing process has started or is under way already, I just hope my two cents helps.

Why does everything have to be somehow related to bestiality or furries with you? Methinks you're hiding something.

Hiding something!? What do you mean? I don't know you people... =_=;

<.<;

>_>

*Shuffles away*