wiped

Wiped

I know being new here I haven't interacted with anyone much, but human experience is universal so I hope you don't mind me being so direct.

It is possibly a better idea that you stay with the forums. While these people might not know you personally, this is a place where you have probably become comfortable and familiar with. Leaving familiar settings after such a tragedy is usually less than helpful.

On to advice, Death is something I've experienced a lot with events in my life, and repetition does not make it easier. The only advice I may offer you is the following: In louisiana it is sometimes customary that, after a funeral, the family and friends would all go out and party. This wasn't an attempt to forget the departed, but to celebrate their life. No one would want to see their loved ones lose themselves to despair, and seeing them all able to laugh about stories of the deceased and truly enjoy the life they led would make sure they knew that. I'm not saying to throw a party, or even start dancing, look from the point of view of the departed, what would they want to see you do? Wake up and sit at the kitchen table, eating food that no longer seems to taste like anything, or would they want to see you throw on a coat, drive over to a friends house, and laugh about days gone by.

I do not expect that my advice is the kind to change a person's life, but I hope it at least helps your perspective. I am sure there are many others on here that feel you pain and will provide you with the support you need.

For goodness sake Gobs. You KNOW we still want you around. We're fine! I'm not even going to vote on the poll, because that's just silly. Read my newest PM. I'm not going to post it here for obvious reasons.

I don't know if it will help... but I usually say "Honor the dead, but focus on the living."
These words helped me get through some though deaths in my familly...

I'm a horrible hand at cheering people up RL and internetting wise. Usually it's small things I have to cheer people up from, like bad grades, annoying people, silly things, the minor annoyances of life.

When it comes to somebody losing a loved one, I just kinda... go and can't talk. Period. Main reason being, I'm internally terrified of screwing up and hurting that person more somehow.

So I just basically sit and listen to people rant and cry. Some people don't get that letting their feelings out really does help in the long run, because it's not being blocked in and clogged up inside them to the point they're never happy again. I'm probably not the best person to say this, as there are problems from my childhood I refuse to talk about to anybody, but you need to talk to somebody face to face. It doesn't necessarily have to be someone you know super well, it could even be just a random stranger you have to sit next to on a bus or a subway train or whatever mode of transport you use. Talk to a friend, family member, somebody.

Mind, you don't have to go out right now this very instant to talk to somebody about it; you talk when you feel ready to talk about it. If you feel like you're going to cry when you do talk, go ahead and cry; it's not un-manly. If somebody looks down on you for feeling miserable and lost even though you're a guy, then phooey on them, they don't matter.

The board's always here for ya, Gobs. ^^ You do what you feel you need to do. I don't think you should just up and say goodbye one day and just leave entirely, but if you feel you need to take a break, then take a break for awhile. In the end, it's up to you.

People should read this post while listening to "My life" or Moby's "Natural Blues" - i swear you'll cry.


So you ever need to talk, im one of those people offering to talk to you.
Just Pm Me or get My AIM. I wanna talk to you.. Talking can help sometimes and im willing to listen at 3am about any particular emotion u need to get out.

Your feelings are surprisingly rational- And im sorry for your loss as well.

You have a long path ahead of you and you need to take it slow but i think honestly somebody rational enough to write this thread will be okay... Of course you may just be going through the stages of grief. Depression. =/

May i suggest writing more though. I think you'd make a fabulous book (Due to your RP exp).


Well, Get at me if you ever need to talk.

This is gothicmoocow - not being an ass for once.
~Peace~



P.S. I hope u stay on the forums.

You should stick around.

Just stick with your normal routine as much as possible. Withdrawing from your normal activities (especially social connections) isn't going to help and will probably only cause more depression and other problems.
Talking about the death of a loved one is hard, but not talking about it actually makes it harder, in my experience.

Nothing will really help except the passage of time, but talking certainly helps you work through it.

If you're religious, I suggest talking to a chaplain or other member of clergy from your church. Not a total stranger, but someone you're familiar with who puts you at ease. I've found most of them are great listeners during trying times (even if you're a complete stranger and not a member of their church), because that's just what they do.
What you seem to need is a good listener, and not someone with whom to actually talk.

Gobs, you know my opinion on this. We all want to help you, and we're all here for you to talk to, no matter what, we'll always be here for you.

But that's not what you need is it? You don't need a bunch of words on a screen telling you how sorry each of us is for you, even if it is true. What you need is to leave here for a few weeks, maybe even a month, to be with your "real" friends, you need to be with someone who can take you to a bar, or a movie, or something that gets you out of the house so you can stop moping around. So I'm going to say something that may sound rather callous, and may cause some less-than-friendly feedback from the other members here:

Go away, we don't want you here. Go find a real friend and go get drunk off your ass for a night, and then work your way through this, and don't come back until you're sure that you're ready.

i think most of us bring our real life to this place. im here more for talking about whats going on in my life and getting advice than for the RPs or comic discussions. The Forums are part of our real life.

what you should do depends on what would be best for you. if you stay here we can talk with you and help you get through the bad times, but you rl friends can help that too.

sit and think for a while, meditate on it, and do what is best for you.

*hug*

My father died last year and I remember the horror it was seeing him in intensive care,. I was full of grief and regrets, thinking "I never told him enough I love him, I never told him enough how I appreciate him, I never got to say goodbye, I should have phoned him more often" etc.
A year later and I still cry about it sometimes. It still chokes me in my chest. Everything reminds me of him.

The best thing you can do is talk about it. Councillors are the best for this because they just listen and don't judge and they help you remember times when you did do those things you regret not having done. I know there's a stigma about going to "get councilling" but it really is a normal, healthy thing to do, and it helps.

Also, busy yourself with things to keep your mind from focusing on the grief. I busied myself with work and that helped to no end.