Yo, heres how this will work, Keep it as sort and simple as you can and just offer random advice.
Here i Go:

Dont date a co-worker (confirmed by exp, took me a few tries to finally regret it though)

Never trust a big but and a smile (you'll get it eventually)




Keep this going, i wanna see what ppl come up with lol, hell feel free to add a funny story

never trust fox news (for obvios reasions)

Never get drunk if your wanitng to keep a secret.

Never disclose the location of the bodies.

Never use a shovel

^never wear shoes, they can trace those, but can they trace foot prints? specially if you walk on your toes? DUN DUN DUN.

real advice-always bring an umbrella.

It's a LYE pit, not a lime pit.

Lime preserves bodies.

i ate the bodies. i was very hungery.

For the footprints, never wear shoes. The pattern of the sole is easy. Bare footprints don't dig in deep enough, so carry around a large leaf to sweep them all. Always remember to take the same path as well between the trunk of your car and the pit.

Also, keep a hair net on. The last thing you want is some hard evidence like a hair follicle at the scene. Latex gloves are a good idea as well... Actually, just surgeon's scrubs altogether is a good idea, so you can cover your whole body to avoid leaving any biological traces that would lead back to you.

better yet, shave yourself. that way u cant leave hair.

Like you would have time to shave if you just killed someone.....however, if it was planned, shaving before the murder, than growing your hair out long/wearing wigs after makes it harder to identify you from witnesses or anything.

more real advice-take the stairs.

if you kill someone in a hotel, dont use the elevator to get them down.

Listen to your heart...

Trust your instincts...

And use your head...

Having help is good but never rely on anyone, you never know when your friends will fail you.

Afuckingmen

If you dont want to be identified, wear a bright pink band-aid on your nose. No one can resist looking at the thing and when their being questioned, all they will have to say is "pink band-aid! pink band-aid!" And then they will have a phobia of pink band-aids and the circle of life will be complete.

Advise-When someone says "Heads up!" Don't listen-for the love of God put your head down.

To defeat an opponent you do not always need to win, just make your opponent lose.

I lol'ed. Yay Spade!

When somebody says, 'Does this smell alright to you?' You should realize that the chances are 50/50 that you'll want to puke after smelling it. Consider yourself warned.

And on that note, never trust CNN (for obvious reasons).

Organized chaos is not run by those who are organized but by those who know chaos.

Never stay in the room closest to the stairs, statisically more violent crime occurs in those rooms.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

You will become rich and famous unless you don't.

Do not ever pass out around your friends. or you are risking every thing. just do not do it.

Mhm some of it was good , others were.. weird
keep going.
heres a tip!



1st impressions do count for almost everything.

Its easiest to be stabbed in the back by the person thats supposed to be watching it for you. (LOLEMOSOUNDING)

Lawl....

never trust squirls.. especially ninja ones

I don't remember seeing....."Don't judge a book by its cover."

"Personality is what matters in the end, looks are just a bonus."

"We fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up.(LOLBATMANBEGINS)"

damit...I forgot the really good one that I just thought up...stupid distractions....

"Remember to put on your pants."

I never thought that would come in handy until I almost did it once. Walk out of the house without pants, that is. I was so tired after a party that I decided that I needed a little air. I was half way out the door when someone pointed out that I was in just a long button down shirt and my undies. So, I took off my friend Vance's pants and borrowed them to go outside.

From the army: Never get excited when somebody says you might be let off early that day.

"incoming fire has the right of way" and "if the enemy is in range, so are you"

"The law is the servant of freedom, freedom without limits is just a word"

oh, and this one is for the young or idealist "you cannot throw your life away for a cause, because you only get one life and you can pick up ten causes on every street corner"

Never play with the raido, text, and trun left while driving ?

Life cannot give the opportunity to make lemonade simply by handing you lemons. Lemonade also requires sugar.



(This next one I learned the hard way >.> )

Ponies are expensive. ._.

Every time you have a 50-50 choice, there's a 90% chance you'll get it wrong.

If life brings down to your knees, just remember you're in the perfect position to pray.

"prayer is an advanced way of bargaining with thunderstorms"

"the world is not what you make of it, the world is what humanity makes of it, so its beautiful and broken"

Prayer is a good way to feel like you're helping without actually doing anything.

48% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

You can't lick your elbow.

60% of people, after hearing that for the first time, attempt to lick their elbow.

Actually....I can...

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

fiend.

YOUR NOT HUMAN! also, that is a fiendishly long tongue.

"A coward dies a thousand deaths, but a hero dies the IMPORTANT one"

I can't touch my nose though

It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.

"All generalizations are false, including this one. " - Mark Twain

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?

Nice question mark. And you still haven't downsized your sig or completely change it???

Some Navy Sayings

"Don't give up the ship!"-Captain James Lawrence

"We have met the enemy and they are ours..."-Oliver Hazard Perry

"Damn the torpedoes, Full speed ahead!"-Admiral David Glasgow Farragut

Think about it. You can learn a life lesson or two

QUOTE(Kimira @ Jul 22 2008, 01:09 AM) [snapback]252065[/snapback]

Nice question mark. And you still haven't downsized your sig or completely change it???

I have! Don't throw me to the mods, I'm inoccent!





On topic:

If you ever played sports in your life, then you can relate:

You're at practice one day and you keep screwing up. It seems like the coach is yelling at you throughout the whole practice while paying little heed to others' mistakes. At the end of the day, you feel like crap and consider quitting. At this exact moment, a friend of yours on the team notices that you look depressed by today's practice and comes over and says:

"Don't get down because [insert coach's name here] was yelling at you in practice, man. It means that he actually cares about your performance. It's when he isn't yelling at you that you should be worried."




Not really a short life lesson but I hope you get it.

I dunno...your sig creeps me out and makes my eyes hurt..

and yes I got it...

In other news...

You only have one life to live, so live life to it's fullest.

"keep your friends close, and your enemies in little pots on your mantelpiece"

"revenge is a dish best served cold, with pineapple and little things on sticks"

A man once told me...

QUOTE(Kimira @ Jul 22 2008, 01:20 AM) [snapback]252072[/snapback]

I dunno...your sig creeps me out and makes my eyes hurt..

I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that hard on people's eyes. I can change it if you want.