Attn: Beneficiary,
RE: PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF OLD CONTRACT/INHERITANCE ARREARS.

We have the pleasure in informing you of an approval obtained last week from the president and commander in chief of the armed forces ALAHAJI UMARU MUSA YARADUA. The Senate Committee on Contract/Inheritance Payments to pay the entire amount owed and due to you in settlement of fund.

We have noted with concern the wrongful withholding of your long overdue payment by a syndicate of corrupt public officers who made several unsuccessful attempts to divert your funds into their corrupt private accounts overseas. This discovery was made recently
by a report submitted to my office by the President and the Senate Committee for the Review of Foreign Debts.

Based on this approval, we have already credited the entire sum in you favour through our overseas paying bank, Please, kindly reconfirm your details and the Receiving Bank details to confirm with what we have in our records to avoid wrongful diversion.

On behalf of the Federal Government of Nigeria, we regret all financial losses you may have incurred in the past as a result of official misconduct and we wish to record here our appreciation for the great patience exhibited by you and members of your company in waiting for this payment.
Congratulations!
please contact me in my private E-MAIL: centralbankunitednations2007@yahoo.co.uk

Yours truly,
Prof. Charles Soludo.
TREASURY CONTROLER
Foreign Operation Dept/Treasury (CBN).
NOTE: That we have made the lodgement of your funds in our overseas
correspondence company's account with the scottish bank in London for
onward transfer to you

My school's filter kicks ass. I've never gotten one of those things on my e-mail client here. Now Hotmail, hat's a different story.

Dear Miss Mitchell,

I would like to commend you on your contributions to the Bracelets for Peace March back in 2004. Please, I would now humbly ask for your help again. The Bracelets for Peace is holding a conference in Nigeria, and we would be honored for you to attend as a VIP. Please contact me at: XXX-XXX-XXXX as soon as you can! We will sent tickets for you!

Sincerely,
J.P. Rutherford

I think i got one of those e-mails and replied back:

Im not an Idiot, Don't email me again, Go fuck youself

Really? I doubt I've had even one in the last two or three years.

I got a call from this Pakistani guy the other day who claimed his name was Steve and I had won an all-expense paid vacation to the destination of my choice, along with a new digital camera and a penis enlargement pills. All I had to do was give him my bank account info. Yeah. Right.

Eh, my hotmail's basically just there so I can have messenger. I don't even really use it anymore.

I think i got one of those e-mails and replied back:

Im not an Idiot, Don't email me again, Go fuck youself

The problem was I was really into this girl. So I didn't find it funny.

My school's filter kicks ass. I've never gotten one of those things on my e-mail client here. Now Hotmail, hat's a different story.

I was given the rejection hotline number by a girl one time. Yeah. I didn't laugh.

Dear Miss *name omitted*

We want you at our university! Just send us your phone number, address, and email and we'll contact you.

Robert Morris University

Yeah, so what if it's a real university, I'm not sending anything to them. -__- Specially since they COULD have simply gotten it off the college survey I did oh, TWO YEARS AGO.

Minister Communication On Foreign
Contract And Inheritance fund Payment Notification
From United Nations And USA Government
Sir. Erick Johnson.

OUR REF: CBN/IRD/CBX/021/08

Attn: Honorable Beneficiary

IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF YOUR CONTRACT INHERITANCE FUND APPROVED BY UNITED NATIONS ON CONTRACT#: MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/008.

Following the protest of the International Community and United Nations, The World Bank, IMF/European Union and the instruction from the President and Commander in Chief of the armed forces federal republic of Nigeria (UMARU MUSA YAR'ADUA) says that all outstanding foreign debts especially next of kin and winning/inheritance fund should be released to the beneficiaries account henceforth with without any further delays.

From the records of outstanding contracts and inheritance/ winning fund due for payment with the United Kingdom (UK) and Government of Nigeria, your name and company was discovered as next of kin on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not received their funds. I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter and also note that from the record in my file, your outstanding contract payment is (Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) US$8.5M.
You are please, re-confirm to me if this is in line with what you have in your file and once again furnish us with the stated informations:

Information request for your transfer.

1) YOUR FULL NAME:
2) FULL ADDRESS OF YOUR CITY, STATE AND COUNTRY:
3) PHONE, FAX AND MOBILE:
4) COMPANY NAME, POSITION AND ADDRESS:
5) BANK INFORMATIONS:
a) BANK NAME:
BANK ADRESS:
c) ACCOUNT NUMBER:
d) SWIFT CODE/
e) ROUTING NUMBER:
6) PROFESSION,AGE AND MARITAL STATUS:
7) A COPY OF YOUR INT'L PASSPORT/DRIVERS LICENSE

As soon as this information are received, your fund will be made to you in a Swift Transfer to your nominated approved bank directly from Citibank of London as our official paying bank and the copies of transfer confirmation information will be given to you for your confirmation. You are to contact the Pay Master General Mr.Robert J. Bischoff The International Remittance Director with Citibank of London (UK) Email: robisch110@i12.com Direct phone: +44-702 403 7544. Call him immediately you receive this mail for further directives on how to receive the payment from our offshore reserve account.

YOURS SINCERELY
Mr. Erick Johnson
Minister Communication On Foreign Contract And Inheritance Fund