Alright, so here's the deal. My Fiancee's mom just made her leave me. She didn't give any explanation except that she didn't like our level of physical contact. I'm marrying the girl for God's sake! What on earth should I do? Any advice at all about what I can do about this would be awesome. Help me out guys. Please.

Physical contact, eh?

It's a morality issue, the person's mother is the kind of person who would choose 'abstinence' or 'abortion'. The mother has already gone through at least one marriage (unless you specify otherwards), thus she has experience, but not for your relationship. She's doing what she feels is the right thing to do for her daughter, whether I'd agree with her or not... I don't know enough about the situation to pick sides. From what i've been given, if i were in that situation, i'd ask the mother if she'd like to talk about it, don't be hesitant about it, don't be insistant either. if she says no, than she might not like you too much for what she's seen. if yes, well, then the rest unfolds on itself.

i've been through no relationship other than my own parents, I am no professional on the matter.

Get in good relations with the mother.

Alright here's some more details. the mom is on her 5th marriage, and apparently her 21 year old daughter is to young to get a single hickey. i've been an exemplary boyfriend. I've never left a mark on her. Her mom always knows where we are, and I've given up tons of my time to please her parents and grandparents. I just don't understand. They seemed to love me before, and then out of nowhere *boom* I'm out of her life.

What's your fiance's reaction, or do you know?

If your fiance is of legal age to marry, she can be with you with or without Mom's permission.

My Mom didn't like my finace. I married him anyway. We've been happily married almost 7 years now.

To hell with Mom. Marry your girl and have a good life together.

Good luck with this. I know it's a really rotten situation. I do hope it works out for you!

A rotten situation. I've never been in such a situation, but I can give you a rule of thumb: don't do anything you'll regret later in life. Will you regret letting her mother win? If so, then don't.

I do know you NEED to talk to your fiancee. I know enough about women to know there is something you should know. There is always something a guy should know that a girl never gets around to saying, in my experiences.

My Fiance's always been a momma's girl. she lost her dad a few years ago so her mom has pretty much ruled her life. she doesn't want to risk losing her and so she's doing what her mom wants. She's afraid that her mom will dosown her or something. I'm just so confused. I don't want to alienate her from her family, but I don't want to lose her either,

Try to please everybody and you please nobody. Do anything and everything you can to get her back. If she likes romance, be romantic; if she likes cosplay, wear an anime wig. Catch my drift? Jeez, I'm only 19. Talk to your own mother or a sister.

wish i had some useful advice for you but i've only been in one major relationship and her family loved me. definatly talk to both of them.

Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Her family is so tight-knit it's scary, and I don't want to be the one to shove a block in between her and her mom. i've tried talking to her mother, but she won't pick up my calls or answer my texts. I'm going to go home this weekend and try to talk to her about it, but her mother is the most stubborn person I've ever met. She's making her get rid of me in every spect of her life. she made her remove me from her myspace, her myyearbook, and even my fiance won't answer my calls. I'm just so confused.

You poor thing. This sounds really terrible! I'm sorry for you. I'm not sure how much help any of us can be. We're only strangers online. We don't know any of the people involved! I doubt there's anything we can do to solve your problem.

You have all my best wishes, but the only realistic advice I think we can offer would be to speak to these people. If they won't answer your calls, go over there.

Good luck to you. I do hope it'll be okay.

Then you'll lose.

Probably would have lost anyway (most people get uppity if they think you're setting yourself against their family) but this sort of thing quickly becomes you or her mother. Sounds like she's chosen her mother.


I know people who are a bit like this (not nearly as tight-knit as the people described, though) and there's not much that can be done to solve that problem.

In all likelihood, this will be repetitive behaviour from the girl and her family for most of her life leaving her bitter and unhappy since any man who gets close enough to want to marry the girl will be perceived as a threat by the family.

It's unfortunate but at the moment it sounds as if the girl is complicate in the withdrawing. Not a lot you can do if she's not willing to help.

Shes a big girl, so chances are she makes her own decisions. Mom no makey, she choosey, so sorry.

I agree!


I think I'm gonna cop out here, becuase I think that ultimately anything we, well, at least I tell you is going to be somewhat bias, and penultimate.

Not to say that any of the advice given was bad! It's all good advice! )

You know better than any of us about the situation.

What do you WANT to do, dude?

First of all, I know what it is to be a "Momma's Girl." My mother is my best friend and in some cases almost like a child to me. I take care of her, fight with her and love her unconditionally. When I first told her about David, she was totally against the idea. In fact, she swore she would blacklist me from her life if I was "stupid enough to continue seeing someone that immature." But she didn't know David from an atom. My love for David made me fight for him, despite her protests for me to stop (and date the guy she wanted me to). It all stems from what she wants. If she feels that her mother knows best, then maybe she wasn't the type of girl for you. If you had to stress yourself out to please her parents while you were dating... imagine what it would be like if you got married. Needless to say, I convinced my mother about how wonderful he is and how good David is for me. After a long conversation with her, she came to see the light and now she's gushing over how often I speak to him.

It all depends on her level of love for you and whether or not she is worth the years of stress attached with it. If she is, get off your lazy ass and fight for her. If you think that you couldn't see yourself playing slave to people who don't seem to be able to make up their minds about you... then let her go in a dignified way. There are always other girls out there willing to make a man happy. You simply have to let the love in.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I took it all into consideration and I made my decision. If pleasing her mom is more important then the promise she made when I put that ring onto her finger, I'm not going to step in between. I called her mom and tried to talk to her, and all she did was tell me if I even talked to her daughter again she was going to put a restraing order on me ad turn me in for statuatory rape. (She was only 16 when I started dating her, and I was 19) She could too, because the charge wouldn't be more then 5 years old. So I'm going to do the dignified thing and step away. Hopefully she realizes that i actually meant something to her and she'll come back. If not, all I'm out is 5 years and a couple grand. I've still got a ton of life left, and if I want to live it and live it with someone that I love, i need to sort my life out, and figure out exactly what it is I want out of it. Maybe the move to Alaska will be good for me. Hopefully the change of scenery and the new people will make life a little easier. (And maybe with the 3 to 1 girl/guy ratio will make life a little better.)
But thank you again for all your help, and thank you for the time you all spent helping me. God bless you all.

So what would be the last thing?

Penultimate means next to last, so now I'm curious.

No, you're right. It's what it means.

A number of my professors have suggested, though not in so many words, that it also means making judgment without knowing more sides of whatever.

I suppose they could be wrong.

But, maybe it means making a judgment before you know more. In knowing more you can then make your final one. I may be stretching it just a little.

It might be a new meaning creeping in, I suppose.

I'm hardly the definitive source of English definitions.

Yet.

Wow, You must not have cared that much about her if you just decide to up and walk away. First, you are not marrying the mother. Second, The mother has no room to talk about how to have a relationship, Ship has apparently failed at it 5 times. Third, if you guys really loved each other, you would find a way to work this out. OK, time for me to get off of my soap box. FYI I have been happily married for almost 11 years now.

I would do none of the things in your poll. If she left you, no matter what the reason, she must have doubts, and therefore you should not marry her. If you did somehow convince her to go ahead with it, you would have to deal with her mother's manipulations for the rest of your marriage. I think that the only way that it would work is if your fiancee decided to stay with you, for her own reasons, and to tell her mother where the boundaries lie between the mother daughter relationship, and the marraige relationship.
I think that you have a tough decision to make, and I hope that when you decide, you think not only of yourself and your relationship with your future wife and mother in law, but also what the ramifications might be on potential children.
Good luck, and I apologize if I sound callous or high handed. If you knew me you would know I sound that way all of the time, and it's nothing personal.

What i would do is wait for her to be away from her mother, at the store or something, and ask her about it, if she is just not talking to you or siding with mommy, walk aWAY.

parents have a big impact on your decision but they dont ultimately decide what you are going to do about it. I had a girlfriend in Maryland and i lived in virginia, my parents didnt like her, didnt know her. and when i graduated high school i decided that the best way for my relationship to work out would be for me to move to maryland. and no matter what happened i did what was needed even though my family did blacklist me. but over the last months they've really opened up and we've started talking again. but basically i did what ever was necessary to get where i am and so should you. now i dont know what your girls feeling are but if she's really close to her mother then they'll work it out over time and if you and her really care about each other then it shouldn't matter what anybody else says.

its both of your two's decision and you cant have one without the other so you'd better be sure you know how she really feels about all this. also were you planning on moving to alaska with her, cuz you taking her away like that may be the reason her mom doesnt like you. and also you shouldn't worry about that rape charge since i doubt she would have the proof or testimony of her daughter to back her up.

The charge thing is a good loophole, its no proof testomony of mother who is known to hate the kid, and then the testimony of the other two.

Oh, I never said what I would do, only what the first guy ought to do.

I'd probably shrug and move on. Sure, I'd be depressed for up to eight months but it's not worth that much effort.