I want to know the biggest, most outlandish fib you've ever told someone.

Adam's Story:

Mrs. Delaney: So, Adam, why were you late coming into my class?

Adam: It all started this morning when I woke up. I set my alarm four hours early so I wouldn't be late for your class, Ms. Delaney. Whenmy alarm went off, I wandered over and took a shower. The water was freezing! I had enough time so I wandered downstairs and toggled with the water heater. While I was down there-- the lights went out! A group of ramapging cannibals leaped at me from all sides! I didn't know what do to so I called in the only people I could think of: the national guard and the little Vietnamese chicks that do my mom's nails. For the better half of an hour we scrambled with the Charlie utnil they were left splattered all over the garage. Made for nice Halloween decoration. However, my mom got pissed. Not just pissed but like... homicidal pissed. She told me if I didn't clean up my mess she would sell me to the Black Market... in pieces. My cousin Eddie has a chop shop in 132nd street. That's not too far-fetched that she'd do that. Anyway, I looked for cleaner-- but of course, we were all out. I had to run half-naked to Albertson's just to find something. Just as I was walking out-- the ninjas took my parents to the island of the Damned in Fiji! They were strapped to a volcano and I only had an hour to save them! So, I called up my leer jet from Florida and wisked all the way there. I met up with a beautiful woman named... um... Krunk... And we ran all the way to the ninja-infested volcano. When we got there, we were ambushed by midgets on unicycles! I used my awesome mind-powers (that I got from a mystic shaman in Tahiti while we camped out there one year) and was able to make htem all believe they were Britney Spears. Needless to say, I had to take 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' off my ringtones. When we freed my parents, Krunk turned on me and I had to beat her to death with her own head. The ninjas, who I almost forgot were there, leaped at me like a flying, rabid squirrel army. So, I did this cirque du Soliel move and the panckakes flopped on the ninjas... ninji... nin--whatever the plural for them is. And that's why I was late to your class."

Holy hell, that is an EPIC lie , its like the best cheesy blockbuster never written

I told you it was epic. We all gigglesnorted because he got up infront of the class and made a production out of it. The teacher, who was already on the verge of laughing in tears, couldn't give him detention for it.

That beats any of mine they mostly are me trying to convince people that I actualy care.

So that works? Make the teacher laugh and you don't get detention?


My most epic lie:

Mom: Where were you all night?

Me: I was in my room the whole time.

(as you can tell I have learned not to give many lies, let alone epic ones.)

Most epic lie:

Well (insert guru's name), what's your opinion on the prom theme?
I've never formed an opinion in my life.
You must think we're morons.
Ok, I've formed ONE opinion.

Just because I hate those damn Jehova's Witness people:

JW: Sir, have you accepted Jesus as your lord and savior?

Me: No, you see, I'm a member of the Squirrel Kereshna Movement, have you accepted Nutsy as your lord and savior?

Actually one of my classmates had gone up and told out teacher that his homework was lost in a freak-accident about a carrot, an elephant, mushrooms, a blender, (insert other random stuff here), and Chuck Norris.

It was epic

Most epic lie? Telling my fiancee I wouldn't spoil her anymore.

Jag wins, hands down. Bonus points if he thought it was true at the time.

I knew better. She didn't.

EDIT: As of five minutes ago, I may not have been lying anymore.

I don't think I usually tell all that many hilarious lies. Mine are mostly functional lies told to make my life easier to manipulate.

I suppose there was that one time when, in a game of gay chicken in a boring class, I had my hand on another boy's (I called him Mindy) inner thigh with his on mine in turn. By the time the teacher looked over we were caressing slowly and discussing genital hair-removal. After seeing her look of bafflement and mild horror, we decided to spend each class we had with her (two hours a week) being more and more overtly sexual with one another until she kicked us out.

But that's less a lie and more of a way to pass time in class.

I need a believable lie to tell my boss Friday night... I can't work Saturday midday, and she's being a douche and won't let me get off earlier. I'm training for a job that would easily give me the same amount of money from one gig than I'd earn in about 5 months. ;

Either way, I'm not going to work. I already offered to work half of my shift or switch with someone else, but I'm not compromising a real career. It's whether I'll miss this day on good terms or not...
So I need something believable. I'm thinking about faking a stomach flu, but I'm welcome to suggestions.

say that someone threatened your house with a bomb threat

Fake a coma!

But if you do get the better job, make sure to tell your boss to suck on it and that you quit because just to get a little time off on one saturday, you had to fake being sick.

you could clone yourself

Well, I'll still need to age it though. It's not like there's a DBZ hyperbolic time chamber or something.

You can borrow mine.

There's your mistake right there.

I come from a country that takes pride in its ability to take a sicky. First rule is that you never ask for the day off. Makes it clear what's going on when you don't show up.

If you're willing to fake it and have the means, a soft-bandage around your weak wrist/hand can give you a bit of angling room.

Well, the thing is, it's the Saturday right before Christmas, and the strong consumerism in California means it's going to be busy as hell. So I thought I'd at least give Sears a head up and tell 'em that a last minute issue came up and that my hours are restricted. I offered to switch with someone or to work around my class, 'cause I'm not missing the first day.

Corporate holidays ftl.

Public holidays are the most dangerous time to express any hint of not wanting to work. They're already on the lookout.

Best way to get out of work without there being any questions:

Hyperactive, involuntary, explosive diarrhea.

That's...
That's....
That's hilarious!

I've used that excuse. Trust me. Epic lie, you laugh, no one asks you about it later. It's the perfect crime.

That's the best kind. When no-one asks later on.

How are you going to bring that up in conversation?

Steve: So... Frank... heard you got sick last night.
Frank: Yeah, it was horrible.
Steve: What'd you get?
Frank: Hyperactive, involuntary, explosive diarrhea.
Steve: ... So, did you manage to e-mail Nancy those reports?
Frank: My toilet gets free WiFi.
Steve: Excellent.

Best way to get out of academic troubles in a university is to claim sexuality crisis.

They send you to stuff over here if you claim that .

I tend to warp the truth, bend it until its circular and embellish like an idiot, but I don't out and out lie that often. Thats probably bad of me :/

Man, you just play the whole, "I'm discussing it with family and friends" angle rather than let them sign you up for any courses.

The usual response is to not want to stick a foot in someone else's sexuality crisis.

Make a cop laugh/dumbfounded and you get out of a ticket. Or at least I did.

Scenerio: I'm driving down a street and need to make a left turn, but it's an illegal left. The legal way to do it would be to make a right and make a U-turn about a block or two later. It's 2:30 in the morning. I take a quick look, don't see any cops, so I decide, no traffic, no cops, I'm making the left. Of course, as soon as I do, I see the red and blue flashing behind my car, so I pull over, and the cop comes over:

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Yes"
Cop: "Why?" (I guess he just wants to condecend me)
Me: "I made an illegal left."
Cop: "So, why'd you do it" (As he's pulling out his ticket book)
Me: "Uhm, because I didn't see you there." (I said this with the utmost conviction ... no clue to this day why I would've said that, it just came out)
Cop looks at me blankly, and studders: "Wha-Wha-Why?" Then starts laughing at me. He then proceeded with giving me a warning and telling me not to do it again.

Yeah, I know, its not a lie, but it worked.

You know, it for occasions like that I memerized the alphabet backwards. keep in mind I don't really drink (maybe 3 or 4 drinks within the span of a year sans new years eve) but should a cop ever pull me over and ask me to recite the alphabet. . .
I'd probably get a ticket or tossed in jail for the night for being a smart ass.

I thought reciting the alphabet backwards caused satan .

Also, that is a damn fine excuse

Not to my knowledge. Mostly it causes people to look at you funny and say "You need help."

Anyway, I tend not to tell epic lies, though I do stretch the truth a little on occasion. Normally the truth is more interesting and equally unbelievable. ( I use to run a cash register overnights at a 24 grocery store)

try repeating it three times in a mirror, if the world ends I owe you a beer.

Most likely it would just cause the ruination of the english language, like 1337 or rap "music"

now now, "1337" speak isn't that bad . Besides the ruination of english has been predicted since sameul johnson , it isn't going to happen

If I told you the most epic lie and you didn't believe me, but it was true...
Would it still be a lie?

Of course it's not going to happen, the English language is a ruin already. The only thing you can do to a ruin is obliterate it or bury it, and it's too popular to do either.

HA, whats your definition of it being ruined already? Should we be like france and force ever word to be carefully vetted before it enters the language?

I don't like the mashed-together feel. We took words and parts of words from tons of different languages to form one. Why? It makes no sense. Then there are all of the spelling and pronunciation inconsistencies. I do have to give us credit for removing accent symbols, though. It may have made it harder to learn it, but it's easier to write.

because while out language was being developed we were invaded a lot? Anglo saxon, viking, roman and Norman french

'I intend to comandeer a ship, pick up a crew, and pillage rape and plunder.'
'I said no lies!'


Rap: 75% of crap.


*smacks*


If it's true, it's not a lie. No matter how little someone believes you. See above quote.


Our language is just like our country! A bunch of other things from other people mashed together

Thank gods for the removal of accentation. I get B's on most of my french quizzes for two primary reasons: Gender differences and accents.

Can't ruin a language, my friend. You speak in such a way that English speakers from even fifty or sixty years ago would say you're ruining the language. Not to even consider from a century back, or two.


Languages evolve. Latin didn't die - it evolved into French, Italian and Spanish all about the same time. Languages are organic, like the people who speak them.


And look at France. Whenever they don't have a word to express something they need to say, they use the English equivalent. Just because it's not official doesn't mean it's not part of the language. I'm pretty sure nobody ever had an official chat to include premier into English. It's still in the English dictionaries now.


It makes perfect sense. Why invent a nonsense word to express a thing instead of an already established word? And if that is your angle, then slang and 1337 is what you want. After all, those are English words made by English speakers. Much better than borrowing those foreign languages, right?


...so you have trouble distinguishing between foreign genders? We should go to France. That sounds like a show.

That last comment actually made me lawl Verby. I agree to taking Grym to france for kicks.

It's not so much the actual taking of the words that makes no sense, than the pronunciation issues that arise from doing it. It's hard to give consistency to a language that has French words pronounced as in French used with words that are to be pronounced in English. Plus, my annoyance with the English language doesn't really make sense, so why should my reasons make sense? Slang and 1337, aside from not being actual languages, they're abominations. Slang has effectively warped the entire population of English speakers' vocabularies to recognize completely harmless words as obscenities. 1337 is annoying more than anything, and it's just a difference in creating the characters.

Edit: That'll be muchly entertaining, count me in.

bleh Leet is annoying. But its not warping the language any more than anything else hasn't already.

Don't blame young people for inventing leet. Blame digital alpha-numeric electronics and the internet for allowing people to notice 3 looks like E and then comunicating all that into a language.

A good many of the words we use to this day were once slang for something else. As for obscenities, Victorian England was so obsessed that you couldn't refer to the breast or thigh of a fowl by name. It was light or dark meat. I don't think they were big proponents of slang.

And 1337, with the advent of text messages, has become its own subsect of the language. Vowels are often dropped or moved or turned into numbers to shorten the time it takes to write.

It didn't die - it evolved into three other things at the same time!
...
The french verb for 'to pay' is 'payer'
...
No, I have trouble distinguishing whether a chair is male or female. I've got the gender's to about four things memorized.


You turkey-thigh!

Like most evolution, really. They branch out until they get strangled back.

hmmm..at 17 I haven't really had totell many epic lies before....but I did once have someone believing that everything happens because elephants have flat feet.

they wouldn't stop asking me "why" after everything.