I am really getting tired of these bastards calling, they call and call and if you ask where or why there calling they keep pushing you, they even get a additude, just 5min ago:

Phone Rings, I get up…from playing WoW! And answer it,

Guy: “Hello is *bleep* (my dad) there?:
Me: “Yea.. Just a sec, oh wait who’s calling?”
Guy: Yea… His *bleep* ( my mom) there?
Me: Can I ask whos calling?
Guy: Yea this is.. Sheriff. something, It’s a courteously call..
Me: Oh srry we don’t take Courteously call.
Guy: OH GREAAT *Hangs up*


Where suppose to be unlisted… 0.o there getting ruddier and ruddier.. Suggestions on payback?

There is a list of things you can do my favorites are eat loudly into the phone, try to convert them to some religion, ask them for their home number so you can call them at a time better for you which just happens to be between 11 pm and 5 am every 15 minutes.

Get caller I.D. Track em. If they do *49 or whatever that thing is so your number doesn't show up on caller i.d., irritate the hell out of them. If I know that they're going to call back and they really pissed me off, I talk in gibberish that sounds like it might be Chinese or something. They think they dialed the wrong number, hang up, call back again. MORE GIBBERISH! Want to know how I always answer my phone? This is no joke. I swear to you. I pick up the phone and say one of the following; "My studies prove that yellow is actually a number"/"WE DON'T WANT ANY FREAKIN TURKEY! SO YOU CAN GO TAKE YOUR RAFFLE TICKETS AND SHOVE EM!" That can be kind of embarrassing when they're a stranger calling about business or something.

or, If you learned a language anywhere along the time of your schooling, repeated scream into the reciever "I DONT SPEAK ENGLISH!"

( like in french, je ne parle pas anglaise)

When they call, either
-try to order a pizza

or

-Pretend like you're setting up a terrorist plot that they've walked in on.
"Hello, jamal"
"wh-"
"You'll be pleased to know the 'candy man' has arrived with the goods. He will send them to 'sugar land' upon which you will inspect them. Make sure that the 'fudge' is of the proper yield, and then meet with the 'lollypop guild'. It is imperative that you are not followed. Take the goods to Interstate road 94, where they will then be taken to the pier. Your task will then be complete, give thanks to allah and the hand". Or something along the lines of that.

My stepdad often answers with one of the following:

"Better Baptist Bureau, side with us or go to HELLO."

"City Morgue, you stab 'em we slab 'em."

or " *last name* Mushroom Farm, where we're always happy to deal with your bull****."


A friend of mine from college would just pick up and say NOTHING. His friends knew to just start talking, but telemarketers & such would usually be all "hello? Hello? Is someone there? HELLO?!?" (of course, this doesn't really work with the computerized ones now.)

Another option: Pick up the (ringing) phone, dial 911 and start screaming into the receiver "oh god help he's in MY HOUSE AAAAUUGGGH" then hang up.

Or do like I do, and never pick up anything that rings. Insist that all communication with you be done by text message.

Texting can get expensive. As for that terrorist plot idea RMV came up with... I'm a little freaked out. I used to live along I-94 >.> <.<

The last time my caller I.D. listed someone as "private" I told them to give me 50 push-ups, then hung up on them.

Too bad it turned out to be my uncle calling from work...

The city morgue one i've done a couple of times, turned out to be my mother one time. That was the wrong thing to say especially at the time (call about great-grandmother just passing away) So i've stopped using that one.

If I don't have the person in my phone and it comes up with 'private' or a random number. Then I get them and just be a prick. If they really want to talk to me they will ignore it and just start talking.

all are incredibly funny, but the best is to simply answer the phone and say "hiya you have reached ^yourname here^ sorry i cant come to the phone i will get back to you shortly" then beep, if the say anything along the lines of "but your there" say your not, keep them on the phone for as LONG as possible, seriously as LONG as you can, its costing them money.

Something just as funny is to not speak and breath down the phone heavily at them... whats more annoying that the breathing people calling you up? doing it back to them

i dont get those calls anymore in england though, thankyou call preference!

i like the morgue idea tho, only i have to find a proper translation which is just as funny

Normally i asked the caller to wait until I get the person who can handle his/her offer on the phone, and then leave the phone just laying around while i finish my dinner etc.
They're not allowed to hang up, but they're also work on commission.
Normally they do hang up after 5 minutes and you mosyt likely end up on they're blacklist aswell

The whole lying around idea seems like a win for me... considering my options but all lovely ideas.

Eh, Last night i got called at 3am and all they did was breath into the phone.. they called my cell so it wasn't a curtiousy call, i couldnt call back or nothing but they called back 3 times, i was like, uh.. either someones drunk or this isnt very funny.
I Guess it was supposed to be scary 0.o?

It was funny too, cause i just had the cell to my ear listening, and after a min of not saying anything this girl goes "hello?"
i'm like.. "yea?" then they kept on doing the breathing thing, i was kinda laughing cause there pranked call was rly gay.
BUt i wish they die a misable death for being so stupid and not thinking of something better.

Honestly i would of gotten chainsaw sounds and just said i have your father, let them do all the imaging,

I'm goth. Nothing scares me.

Except, Fluffy things 0.o? lol jk

Yeah, my favourite has to be the City Morge one. Then again, I had a friend who used to answer phones at the city morge! XD So HE did it perfectly. It was really awesome listening to him convincing people they'd called the city morge!

Pick up the reciever when the phone rings. Breathe noisily for a few moments until they say "Hello?". Shout "ALL YOUR BASES ARE BELONGING TO US!" and slam the phone down. That should sufficiently freak any normal person, or as I like to call them "normy" out. If they persist, start yelling cheat codes from warcraft at them.

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A xD also you misquoted "All your base are belong to us" is the original zero wing quote.

No no no! It's ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A B A Select Start!

Don't you know your classics damnit? 99 lives at ontra FTW!

thats not the original konami code but sure...

the extra characters were added later, and start is sometimes used directly after the ba because usually you had to hit start to get back out of pause. I know my gaming ghis

your variation comes later on

though its still valid

wtf did this go? lool, anyways, i got another call from these ppl, latly i havent answered the phone but this time i was upstairs and i ran to the parents room to get teh phone.
As i picked up it was on its last ring, so the minute i say a word the answering machine starts =/
But while i answred it right before the machine cut him off he said
"Answer the fucking phon--"
"Hello?"
*click*
I swaer to god, i will freak the shit out of them next time...

heh, i actually got a cold call the other day (thats what we call them, means an idiot was trying to sell me double glazing) was very interesting. The guys name was barry and was happy to give me his website address account name and after a lot of creative chatter his password too. I love social engineering, i read back to the idiot what he had told me during our conversation and what did i get?

*click*

*chuckles* next time i am gonna do the "hello 999 emergancy response"
that was freaking hilarious last time.